Lead a vivid life that does good

Category: People Matter (Page 2 of 9)

One word that defines extraordinary leaders

One word that defines extraordinary leadersSome people are easy to follow. There is something about them that gives us belief in ourselves and a desire to follow them and make great things happen. Other people are harder to follow. Being around them, following them, can be draining and demoralising.

A few years ago I developed an acronym for what makes a successful and high performing leader. The second word into the acronym is one that sets apart extraordinary leaders from the rest. Its…

LEADERS are Energisers.

Meaning extraordinary leaders impart energy and vitality and spirit to the people they lead.

It’s not that they are the bubbliest person in the room, rather they bring and give energy to others. And being an energetic leaders seems to be powered by a bunch of other E words.

Leaders equip.

Encourage.

Engage.

Empower.

Empathise.

Enthuse.

Sometimes exhort.

And often entertain.

STOP – SLOWLY read the list again.

Does the list describe your leadership?

Whether its large groups or individual meetings. People want to follow a leader who gives them the energy to move forward.

If you’re struggling with the way you lead at the moment, its maybe because your team aren’t energised by you. You aren’t giving them the energy and empowerment and engagement they need to move forward. To succeed.

And the hardest part of being an energiser … is trying to give energy when you don’t have any yourself.

Trust me I know.

I’ve been reminded this week personally of the importance of making sure my energy levels are high, so that I can lead my team well.

LEADERS are energisers.

Go, bring energy!

How do you give warnings?

TukTuk Siem ReapOne of the first things you notice when you take a Tuk Tuk ride in Cambodia is the way they use their horns.

They beep as a warning.

Not out of frustration or anger, rather to let the scooter in front know they are there. To avoid a collision. To keep them both safe. They use the horn the way it was originally intended to be used. And it works really well.

In the west, we often sound our horn after the fact. In frustration and in anger. To show people how annoyed we are.

Same sounding horns.

Same form of communication.

But a radically different feeling.

I find it interesting that in our personal interactions we have a couple of choices in how we communicate warnings to people.

We can either provide gentle warnings, prompts, small beeps, to guide our teams and make sure we don’t collide. Or we can wait until everything comes crashing together and react after the fact, in frustration and anger.

Whether driving or communicating, loud bolshie statements really only give you the opportunity to vent.

They do little to guide or encourage the other person.

And therefore are ineffective.

Shame and failure

Seth Godin Failure“Failure’s not fun. But failure is required. Failure in the service of learning, of experimenting, of making things – this is essential.

When you’re learning to walk, no one criticizes you when you fall down. Parents understand that you do it wrong and then you do it right.

But that’s about the last time you get that benefit. After that, we shame you when you fail.

We shame you as a way of gaining compliance and obedience. We shame you for your D-, we shame you for the missed shot on goal, we shame you for what you wore to the dance.

Is it any wonder we associate failure with shame?”

Finally finished Seth Godin’s book “What to do when its your turn” over the break. The above is a shameless excerpt from it.

How often do we not try, because if we fail, we will feel ashamed?

How often do we make people feel ashamed, for trying and failing?

Does familiarity stop you listening?

Often our familiarity with a person can stop us hearing the wisdom they offerRecently I was having coffee with a guy who had taken some advice I have given him and was raving about it. The funny thing is that he confessed to me that one of his team had given him the same advice a few months earlier and he had largely ignored it.

Often our familiarity with a person can cause us to be less receptive to a person’s opinion.

Our familiarity to our leaders, colleagues, team mates, parents, partners, or even kids can make us disregard the insights they offer.

We often have incredible respect and trust for those closest to us. We know their strengths, weaknesses and are in constant conversation with them. And all this familiarity can lead us to not even consider the firsthand wisdom they offer.

If we do this often, they will stop speaking into our life.

What a loss that would be.

There is a twofold implication for familiarity…

Firstly, we need to remember to not only listen to those closest to us, but also to take time to truly consider their opinion, rather than just shrug it off.

And, there are times when we really need to hear the truth by listening to someone who doesn’t know us well and who is respectful enough to be candid about their opinion. It can make us feel a little bit foolish, but at least we have no choice but to take notice.

The easiest path, if we’re honest, is through those closest to us.

How to use an email to make someone’s day!

Nicest person on the face of the planet“You’re the nicest person on the face of the planet! Thank you for being so gracious” was the response to me from one of the staff at a partner organisation, that does amazing work in bringing clean water to millions of people. All I had done was make their life a little bit easier by not pursuing a minor issue, and I received that response.

Of course I’m not “the nicest person on the face of the planet,” and I’m not sure any individual can be.

But for a brief moment, when I read the email…

I felt like I was!

Her comment reminded me, that in every email interaction, we have the opportunity to make audacious statements that makes the recipient feel incredibly special.

Even if it’s just for a moment.

 

 

Its the question that could change your life…

Judge a man by his questionsFor those who know me, you will know one of my favourite (and at times most frustrating) questions is “How do you mean?”

It’s a favourite question because it softer than “What do you mean?” and because it is a great way to find out exactly what the person is saying or thinking or trying to explain. It causes me to pause and be sure that I know, rather than assume I know, what the person is saying.

And as great as this question is, the most important thing is that it is a question.

There is so much power in questions. So much ability to draw in and hear what people are really saying. So much power to fully understand them.

A recent study of people involved in negotiation showed that the average person spends 11% of their time asking questions, but for the most successful negotiators this number more than doubles to almost 25% of their time. Just asking questions.

Effectively the best negotiators are people that … ask.

Listen.

Ask.

Hear more.

Ask again.

Until they fully understand the other persons point of view. And because of that they win people’s hearts, and reach agreement, and get positive movement.

All through the power of questions.

The weird thing about asking questions is that it makes me appear way smarter than I am. Often the mere act of asking questions causes people to think in ways they haven’t before. And they come away from our conversation thinking I helped them with wisdom, when all I really did, was ask questions.

So the next time you’re trying to help someone, or understand a problem. Try asking 5 questions (way harder than it sounds) before even trying to give your opinion.

When you do this, you too will discover the power of questions.

Be more trusted, by first trusting.

I remember sitting with a couple of young entrepreneurs a Trustfew years ago as they asked my opinion on their business idea. The weird thing about the conversation is they tried to tell me without actually disclosing what their idea was. They were concerned that I might steal their idea. After playing that dance I got pretty candid with them and told them I had enough business ideas of my own that I will never do, so I don’t really need their ideas.

Furthermore, I told them to go talk to some other people, who might just be interested in stealing their idea. People with deep pockets who could out execute them, but may just make great partners.

Over the years I have met more than my fair share of people who have the wrong default position when it comes to trust. They choose, sometimes because of past hurt, to never trust people until the person has earned their complete trust.

This is so sad and not for the reason that they may expect.

You see, trust works both ways. If you trust me … I trust you … then you trust me more.

If I start trusting you and sense that you don’t trust me, I assume you are untrustworthy. That you lack integrity.

Merely by not trusting others, you may be seen by everyone around you, as a person not to be trusted.

I know that trust is easier said than done…

You will get hurt.

You will have your trust abused.

At times it will cost you money.

And yet … we should trust anyway.

Pain you are such a pain

Braces-Pain-300x238I was recently chatting with a mum who had just had braces put on her teeth. She was describing how painful it was. As she talked I realised how much I had discounted the pain that my kids experienced when they had braces.

Another friend of my has been experiencing crippling pain that has her bed ridden and wished like anything it would go away. I had no idea and my heart aches for her.

Then there is the guy I know who is carrying emotional pain from years ago. My heart aches as I hear his story and I hope he can navigate the hurt and find grace.

I have noticed recently how pain takes so many different shapes. Pain truly is painful.

I’m reminded how often I discount other people’s pain, predominately because I’ve not experienced it. I act like the pain for them can’t be as bad as they say, when in truth it is worse, crippling and more emotional than I would ever expect.

Pain really is a pain, and all of us experience pain so differently.  This leads me to the twofold purpose of this post:

Firstly, when someone tells us they are in pain, we need to be slower to discount their pain and show way more empathy. We after all are not the ones in pain.

And finally, we should appreciate how at this moment, right now, we are blessed to be relatively pain free.

Finding people not like us

530 amThere is something cool about getting a text at 5:30 am in the morning from a perspective employee. It tells me he was up, into the day and disciplined. I was impressed.

As I thought this over though, I realise that I am more impressed because I am up at that hour. If I wasn’t up early each morning I wouldn’t have noticed and would have thought it was plain stupid.

It’s strange how we seem to form positive opinions of people based on how similar they are to us. In business particularly the more they believe and behave the same way as us, the easier they are to get along with.

The risk of course, if we play this game too long, is that we don’t have people in our lives who are not like us.

People who function at the other end of the day.

People who think different ways.

People with different views.

And therefore…

People who stretch and challenge our personal status quo.

One step that changed your life.

live-courageouslyYou are courageous.

Seldom have I seen or met a person with the courage and determination that you have.

The way that you replaced your old habit and made the positive change in your life is amazing. I wish I knew how you got it, but the resolve you have is inspirational and I love the humble joy you carry from succeeding.

When I speak to you I’m reminded that ‘a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step’ and that you just took one step after the next. As with any journey worth doing it has been hard. There have been times you have tripped and fallen, yet you just seem to get back up and keep going.

Now, you are so radically changed that people who meet the new you, cant fathom who you used to be.

Thank you for deciding to take the first step.

Your enthusiasm is contagious.

I cant wait to see what you will do next.

This post is written to YOU.

It’s to Thank You for who you have become a month, or a year, or a decade from today, as a result of the steps you are taking now.

You truly are courageous.

 

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