People Matter ∴ Do Good

Lead a vivid life that does good

Category: People Matter (Page 1 of 9)

“It’s not personal, it’s just business” is BS.

30 September 2020 /

Its Not Personal Its Just Business is BSThe words “It’s not personal, it’s just business” are all too common. I’ve had them used to me, my staff and friends. And I’ve often read them in the media.

The reality is, of course, that all business is personal.

Every interaction we have with another human being is personal, founded on human to human relationships. When we start to think that “it’s just business” takes priority over personal, as a human and leader we have failed.

Of course we can and must make business decisions. But as soon as we talk to the people who are impacted by the decision, we need to remember, it becomes very personal to them.

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If you find yourself about to utter the words “It’s not personal. It’s just business”, then please pause for a moment…

Look the other person in the eye, and realize it’s probably personal for them!

Then … adjust accordingly.

To be Human

28 April 2020 /

To be human is to step up and play your partTo be Human is…

To be an adventurer.

To embrace failure.

To be authentic.

To be messed up.

To seek connection.

To stand up for injustice.

To love regardless.

To say sorry.

To be unique.

To have faith.

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To be human is to step up.

And play your part.

Do you trust me?

28 May 2019 /

Trust what I say do value“Do you trust me?” I was asked with absolute sincerity.

It’s a huge question because trust binds all relationships together.

“Do you trust me?” is not a simple question, and in the years since I’ve come to realise that trust is made up of three things:

  • Trust what I say
  • Trust what I do
  • Trust what I value

 

Trust what I say:
This is all about truthfulness, and the ability to believe that this person is telling you the truth and that you can rely on their word.

When the person asked if I trusted them, my answer was 100% yes, because time and time again they had proved themselves truthful. But what they were really asking was do you trust what I do?

Trust what I do:
This is about trusting the persons decisions and actions. A person can be 100% truthful, but we are not sure about some of the decisions they make and we struggle to trust them in those areas.

Trusting what people do takes time and is complicated. We can trust a person will make the right decisions in most areas, and then question the decisions when they are given new responsibility, as we watch to see if they adapt to the new challenges.

Trust what I value:
When we value different things, and they are not discussed, then it can cause us to feel like we don’t trust each other, despite the fact we trust what they say and do. The challenge with trusting what we each value, is that we don’t generally do the hard work to understand each other’s values.

With one of my new direct reports, we worked out my value of ‘freedom’ was at odds with his value of ‘structure’. Neither of these values is wrong, but if we hadn’t noticed it and named it, then as we work together we could have begun to wonder if we could trust each other.

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Nothing will kill connection, dampen joy or increase stress in any relationship more than where I fail to trust or unintentionally make people feel untrusted.

When we find that we are struggling to trust a person, dive in and ask…

Do I trust what they say?
Do I trust what they do?
Do I trust what they value?

Then go and have a sincere truthful conversation with them.

Because relationships are built on trust, and they are worth the effort.

We Just Go

28 March 2019 /

We Just Go It was one of those lazy wet Sunday afternoons when I received the call from a team member just “letting me know” her house was surrounded in water. What was heavy rain on one side of town, was a torrential downpour on the other, that forced this solo mum and her son from their home.

She was “just letting me know” and I didn’t need to come over, so I grabbed my 13-year-old son and we headed out anyway.

As we drove across town J asked me “What will we do when we get there?” I answered “I don’t know, maybe something, maybe nothing.”

Still inquisitive he asked, “Well if we don’t know if we can help, why go?”

“Because we Just Go”, I replied, “We may be able to help, or we may just give them a hug, but regardless, we don’t wait to find out. We just go!”

And when we arrived, we did give them both a hug. And we helped. And of course my teenage son bounced on a tramp surrounded by water, because that’s what boys do.

And we wouldn’t have if we didn’t Just Go.

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In times of crisis or tragedy or suffering, all too often I see people not know how to respond to the needs of others.

They don’t think they can help.

Or are concerned they won’t know what to say.

And they worry they might do the wrong thing.

So they stay.

But you can help. And the words will come. And the right thing is to be there.

So JUST GO.

Waiting for change

6 May 2018 /

waiting for people to change can be frustrating - SQWaiting for somebody to change can be frustrating.

As a leader, friend or parent, you’ve probably shared greats ideas.

Encouraged them.

Coached.

Yet they’re still not changing, or if they are it’s far too slowly.

In our mind we wonder ‘why can’t they just do it!’

When it comes to seeing change in others, we are often incredibly impatient.

But when it comes to us, and our long road of changing life long habits.

That’s different.

We want people to be patient with us.

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Thanks to all those people who are patient with me as I slowly tweak my life for the better.

And sorry to those of you whom I expect to change immediately. I’ll try and be more patient, and I love that you aren’t giving up.

Great Leaders Flip-Flop!

17 May 2017 /

Great Leaders Flip FlopIt’s election year. This means you will hear two phrases in the media over the next 6 months. They are the terms “flip-flop” and “U-turn”.

The media is exceptionally good at spotting a flip flop or U-turn in the opinion of a candidate. While keeping the politicians ‘honest’ is important, I get concerned when the media portray changing your mind as a bad thing!

It’s not.

Authentically changing your mind is a strength.

Which type of leader would you rather follow?
– A person who is close minded to change.
– Or a man or a woman who authentically considers the evidence, and changes their mind.

For some reason society often frowns upon those who change their minds.

Personally, I’d rather be seen as a flip-flop leader.

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Are you prepared to change your mind?

More importantly if you are presented with new evidence or feedback on a belief you hold dearly, would you change your mind?

Changing your mind or beliefs or attitudes is actually far harder than it seems. Far easier to stick with the status quo.

Which is why, great leaders flip-flop!

I can’t imagine war

25 April 2017 /

THANK YOU for giving more than we can imagine. I can’t imagine what it’s like to go to war.

I can’t imagine having the courage to leave my family. To say goodbye to those I love.

I can’t imagine being shipped off to some distant land to fight for people you don’t know.

I can’t imagine long periods in trenches. In jungles. On battlefields. Bored. Exhausted. Cold, wet and scared.

I can’t imagine entering the battle. To be ordered into such great danger that my life is no longer in my hands.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to start shooting. At humans. Real people. To take a life.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to see people killed. Not just people, but friends. Close friends. Killed right in front of my eyes.

I can’t imagine being shot. To feel the excruciating pain. To know I am in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of a battlefield. To fear for my life.

I can’t imagine returning home. Emotionally and physically scarred. To have the scenes, the sounds, and the bloody images locked permanently in my mind.

I can’t imagine.

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I also can’t imagine our country. Our life. Our freedom. Had you not imagined our freedom for us, and then given everything.

I can’t imagine we could ever thank you enough.

THANK YOU for giving more than we can imagine.

Letting Go

7 April 2017 /

If you want people to grow - you have to let go“You don’t understand,” I said partly in jest, “It has nothing to do with their fear of change. It’s ALL my own insecurities.” As soon as I heard the words leave my mouth, even though I was meaning them to bring humour, I knew they were true.

I was trying to work out what my role should be in Agoge, the social business I founded and own. Hearing these words changed everything. I realised that so much of my identity and status and self-esteem was tied to being the leader.

And allowing my insecurities to win, would eventually lead us to lose.

This week Jim Grafas, was promoted to CEO of Agoge. I couldn’t be more excited to see a person who I trust and who is an amazing friend take the role. More importantly he is a phenomenal leader who people love to work with, who deeply cares for people, and who passionately believes in Agoge’s vision of People Matter ∴ Do Good.

I will tell you something else about Jim. He doesn’t yet know everything he needs to know to be CEO, which means he will make mistakes. Which is exactly how he will grow.

If I allowed my insecurities to stop me stepping out of the way. Then I not only stop myself growing, I stop Jim, and the amazing team beneath him from growing as well.

If you want people to grow, you have to let go.

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Since having the insight about my own insecurities, it’s amazing how often I have heard it in others. So many leaders and managers and even parents are holding great people back, purely because they won’t let go.

Our role is to help people grow into the best possible version of themselves.

We don’t do that by holding on.

We do it by letting go.

If you want people to grow, you have to let go.

 

———————————
Finally in case you’re interested. I haven’t retired. I’m now the MD of Agoge and still passionate and emotionally invested in its future. I’ve also teamed up with Vivek to co-found a new social business, that aims to have the same ethos and purpose that Agoge does, but solve a different problem.

How do you use your social media voice?

14 July 2016 /

How do you use your social media voiceA few months ago I ranted about a poor customer experience I was having. It attracted a fair amount of attention (and weirdly ‘likes’) and the company took ownership and resolved.

More than any time in history you have a voice to hundreds, if not thousands of people.

You have the ability to contribute.

To share what matters most.

To influence.

To encourage.

Sadly, most of the time we use our social media voice to say “here look at me”. Which is all good, but if it’s all we do we are missing an opportunity.

An opportunity to be authentic and encouraging and generous.

A unique opportunity to speak life into others.

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The post that I wrote about customer service was one of the more liked and commented posts I have had in a while. I would like to think it was because of the parts I wrote about becoming a grumpy old man, but sadly I suspect it wasn’t. I’m not sure it was generous or encouraging. Nor did it really speak life.

I blog because I decided I would use my voice and story and words to speak life into others, but you don’t need to blog to speak life into people.

It can be as simple as encouraging someone.

Why not do that today!

Why I don’t understand US politics, gun control and practically everything else.

16 June 2016 /

great solutions starts with understandingI don’t understand how a person can be so broken, so full of hate, that they walk into a club and murder 49 people.

I don’t understand how guns can be used in 231 US murders each week, and the people of America not see there is a problem with guns.

I don’t understand why the right to bear arms, appears more important than the obligation for peace and safety and love.

I don’t understand how a country can be so divided down two political party lines, that democracy itself appears hangs in the balance.

Because I don’t understand, it makes it very easy for me to hold strong views. Very easy to throw stones.

Because I don’t understand, if I lived in America, I would be part of the problem.

I don’t understand because I have never WALKED IN THEIR SHOES. Been brought up with their beliefs. Lived their life. Heard their narrative.

I don’t understand because I have never sought to understand the other positions, and because I am naive enough to apply my world view, to theirs.

Great solutions starts with understanding.

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It doesn’t matter the topic … gun control; global poverty; human rights; religion; overcrowded housing in Auckland; local crime; or even why your neighbour lives differently to you, if you don’t take the time to understand, you are a part of the problem.

My life is always richer, fuller and more collaborative when I seek to understand.

Changing the world, or even just one relationship, starts with understanding.

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