Lead a vivid life that does good
No-one can replace YOU in your life.
No-one else can be their father or mother.
No-one else can love your spouse or partner the way you can.
No-one else has had the struggles and successes you’ve had. That makes you the perfect person to help.
No-one else can come to the rescue quite like you.
Your whole life has led up to this moment…
Only YOU can be the HERO in YOUR story.
Will you choose to be their HERO as well?
The enemy stood on the other side of the reception desk, or at least that’s is how the man next to us behaved as he ranted about some problem or another. We too had a problem, the room we had just checked into had not been cleaned properly. We could tell it hadn’t been cleaned as the toilet was full of, shall we say, number 2’s. In fact the toilet appeared almost blocked.
As I stood about to engage with the receptionist, with my daughter at my side, I knew I had a choice. I could choose to treat the receptionist as my enemy, as the causer of the problem.
I could rant.
And rave.
And demand.
Or …
I could be gracious.
I could smile, speak warmly, explain the problem without blame. I could be eager for a solution, but then be happy with whatever outcome, knowing in the scheme of things, it is nothing.
I choose to be gracious, and while the other guy continued to rant and alienate the other receptionist, we were shown to a new room by housekeeping.
∴
On one of the long flights to London, I realised that I had a choice. I could choose to be your typical demanding, self focused tourist, or I could be gracious. Waiting, smiling, generous, and letting others go first.
I chose to be gracious. I made a choice long before speaking to that receptionist, which made talking to the receptionist, warm and enjoyable, for both of us.
By choosing to be gracious our world changes, and small things stay just as they are, small.
I was reminded of that the other day as I lacked grace.
Had the tree in our back yard pruned. Its been in that spot for 12 years (growing for 14) and best I can guess my kids started climbing it 7 years ago.
It reminded me of the old Chinese proverb. “The best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago, the second best time is now.”
This of course applies to more than just planting trees.
The best time to start loving
The best time to start learning
The best time to start doing good
… was 10 years ago …
… The second best time is now!
Maybe it was the relentless dull drone of the engines, or the claustrophobic feel of the cabin. Maybe it was the absence of company or even just that my book was not riveting. Whatever it was my one hour flight to escape Palmerston North seemed to take forever. It was so painful. So boring.
After landing I disembarked the plane so quickly you would think I had been ejected. Then I begin a slow relaxing fight with the Auckland rush hour traffic back to Hamilton.
Did you catch that?
My drive home, that was in rush hour traffic, that took twice as long as normal, and even took twice as long as the flight from Palmerston, was relaxing, all because my state of mind was different. Which is bizarre because on any other day it would have been annoying.
Isn’t it scary how my ‘state of mind’ has more effect on my enjoyment of something, than the activity itself.
And my state of mind is formed by my self-talk, or what I tell myself in my brain. If I tell myself I am dreading a one hour flight, I will hate it.
∴
Today I turn 43, and whether I feel old or young will depend on my self talk. Will depend on my state of mind.
It doesn’t matter if its age, or kids, or family, or friendship, or sickness, or sport, or work. You get to choose your self-talk. You get to choose your state of mind.
Will you choose to have a positive a state of mind today?
Go ahead. It can be your birthday gift to me.
Imagine a 10-year-old student you have known. Now pause, and think about their schooling and what they have really learnt at the age of 10.
Consider how little they really know in mathematics and english.
Their drawing is good, but they are no designer.
They have creativity but their cognitive skills are lacking.
Now, imagine the 10-year-old finishing school for good. Then you discover they have no access to books or libraries or the internet and you realise the child’s lifetime intellectual learning is over.
Gone is the opportunity to learn more about science or maths or design or art. Gone is the opportunity to seek a University degree.
I have just described the average student in Cambodia. Most rural children have access to a basic primary education, at which point the distance and cost increase to attend high school is so great, that the children finish school and start working on the family rice fields.
If most people you knew finished school at 10, how much opportunity to develop, invent and improve would your community have?
How much opportunity would exist to improve the efficiency and productivity of your family land?
At a very basic level, how much opportunity would you have to improve water quality, sanitation and health, if your education finished at 10?
The unfortunate answer is at best, ‘very little!‘
∴
As I toured rural Cambodia recently and heard that most children finish school at the age of 10, all I could think about was my 10-year-old daughter finishing school at the end of this year. She is smart and has learnt heaps, but hasn’t yet learnt anywhere near enough for a lifetime. And if her access to books and teachers and even the internet disappeared, her future learning would be unthinkably limited.
As I thought of the implication of finishing school at 10, I realised how incredibly blessed we are to have the education and resources on offer in New Zealand.
It offers our children a lifetime of learning.
It means our children’s children will learn even more, and develop more cure’s and create more truly great things.
Education offers hope for our future!
Oh, and the one reason I think education in NZ is fantastic? Because my children continue in school until at least 16 and even then their opportunities aren’t limited. Too often we forget that.
Lesson 3 from Cambodia visit 2012: Education is pivotal for the future of communities
One of the funny things about returning from annual leave is that I often have this utopic desire to live a more purposeful life. I guess the relaxation, uninterrupted time with family and the space to think, lead me to want to create more of those spaces in my normal life.
Recently after returning from leave I realised that in our business we have strategies to move us towards our vision and these strategies help us choose the right actions.
In my personal life however, I had never put strategies in place and this needed to change.
Understanding the difference between vision and strategy and actions can be difficult so here is a personal example.
The truth is I haven’t written each week and I haven’t met with 4 people each week. But, I have written more and connected with more people each week. I also track how I am going in my personal weekly check list which I review in my weekly review (this is the key to not forgetting it).
And even though I don’t achieve it each week, my influence is growing, and I am meeting and connecting with more people, which is energizing me and making me a better person.
Most importantly each week is deliberately better than it would be without them.
So what will your strategies be?
If you would like to see my current strategies, I have posted them at outward.me.
My 10 year old checking out her art at the HeART Expo. She is a true artist.
Recently I was sitting in a group of maybe 200 people who were asked if they were artists, and only four people raised their hand.
I was one of the four ‘artists’ who put their hand up. Can I paint or sculpt or dance? No, not at all. Yet I am an artist, because at the core of art is creativity.
An artist creates.
And almost everyone I have ever met is creative in someway. Sure, some paint and sculpt and dance, but most creative people, most artists I meet do nothing like that. Most create in other ways like taking home photos or cooking their favourite food. Some create by making practical things from metal or wood. Others create by raising amazing kids. Some even create using spreadsheets.
In my heart of hearts I believe we are all artists. I believe we are all created to create. And when we create, we should pause for a moment to enjoy our creation. Our Art.
You create things, therefore…
You are an artist.
Enjoy.
My daughters as a part of their reading development are both learning to infer the meaning of what the writer is saying. I guess inferring means reading between the lines to gain a better understanding.
Over the years I hope to teach them the importance of finding the implication of what the writer is saying. Not so they can search for the implication for everyone else, but so they learn to seek an implication of what they read to themselves.
Often as adults, we read to gain knowledge and readily see the implications to everyone but ourselves, but fail to make personal change.
So maybe now is the time to teach my daughters to read and infer and imply. And maybe now is the time to teach them to take action.
Then rather than having my kids learn to know.
They would learn to do.
We all have expectations of the people around us. We have an expectation that our spouse will do certain things. We have expectations on our kids, our bosses, our staff and even expectations on people we barely know.
And when people don’t live up to our expectations we get annoyed, frustrated and even angry. This leads to a break down in the relationship.
A few years ago I was introduced to the term “Unspoken Expectations” and I realised that so often the expectations we have for people, we haven’t discussed with them.
Say I decided I would really like a quiet relaxing Saturday at home. Then my wife and kids bounce me around the city doing “unplanned” things (on their list of things). I can become annoyed. I don’t want to bounce around the city. I need to relax.
But if I never sat down and discussed my need to relax with my family how would they know? If I never listened to what they needed to do, how will I know if my desire to relax is achievable? How will we negotiate a middle ground BEFORE we set about our day.
Yet, over and over again, we fail in relationships to speak our expectations beforehand (arguing about them afterwards doesn’t count). I have learned firsthand over the years “unspoken expectations” are a significant cause of relationship breakdowns in families, workplaces, charities and friendships.
If you don’t communicate and agree the expectations, it is not the other persons problem…
It’s yours!
The noise in the back seat calms as Cape Reinga draws near. The squabbling turns to conversation about the lighthouse … the ocean … and the sea. Adventure for our family waits.
Our family value of adventure has drawn us here. A desire to explore and learn and have fun (despite another full day in the car). This particular adventure is also number 2 on my 12list for 2012.
For us, adventure means exploring, its often unusual, typically fun and sometimes hazardous. It often requires courage. Kid sized courage. The kind of courage that pressures parents into new things, because “we value adventure”.
Adventure creates learning.
Conversation.
Memories.
So go ahead and define your own adventure. Just don’t miss the opportunity to embark on an adventure of your own. Take your family, your friends, or yourself.
Go on be ADVENTUROUS!
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