Lead a vivid life that does good

Author: Andrew (Page 7 of 43)

Does familiarity stop you listening?

Often our familiarity with a person can stop us hearing the wisdom they offerRecently I was having coffee with a guy who had taken some advice I have given him and was raving about it. The funny thing is that he confessed to me that one of his team had given him the same advice a few months earlier and he had largely ignored it.

Often our familiarity with a person can cause us to be less receptive to a person’s opinion.

Our familiarity to our leaders, colleagues, team mates, parents, partners, or even kids can make us disregard the insights they offer.

We often have incredible respect and trust for those closest to us. We know their strengths, weaknesses and are in constant conversation with them. And all this familiarity can lead us to not even consider the firsthand wisdom they offer.

If we do this often, they will stop speaking into our life.

What a loss that would be.

There is a twofold implication for familiarity…

Firstly, we need to remember to not only listen to those closest to us, but also to take time to truly consider their opinion, rather than just shrug it off.

And, there are times when we really need to hear the truth by listening to someone who doesn’t know us well and who is respectful enough to be candid about their opinion. It can make us feel a little bit foolish, but at least we have no choice but to take notice.

The easiest path, if we’re honest, is through those closest to us.

The story that shapes your life.

The Story you tell yourselfIn my final years of high school I was labelled. I was average (to below average). I lacked discipline. I needed to work harder. It would have been easy for me to accept that story and have it define my life.

What your schools, friends, colleagues and even family say about you is far less important than it seems.

Far more important is the story you tell yourself.

You get to choose the story that shapes your life.

No one else.

Fortunately, the person I am today is dramatically different to the person I was 20 years ago.

Over the years I’ve learnt that its not the things I am told that hold me back. It is almost entirely the things I tell myself.

And to be honest, the stories we tell ourselves are a lot harder to change than we think.

BUT (I use this word intentionally), they can be changed.

That should give you great hope for the future.

Does fear steal freedom?

Fear takes freedomLast week I was out running with Jay tagging along on his bike. As I ran, a seagull became increasingly disturbed with my presence and finally started dive bombing me. We sought shelter under some trees and, once the bird was over it, we carried on.

It is fair to say Jay was freaked out by the bird. He was afraid or fearful.

Like all fear if it was left unchecked, it would steal his freedom. If he allowed himself to become afraid of all seagulls or even all birds then he could avoid beaches or places where there are a lot of birds. When that happens freedom is lost.

Ultimately that’s what Terrorism does. Makes us fear and give away freedom by avoiding travel or amazing experiences.

So does a fear of failure.

Or a fear of meeting new people.

Or even a fear of asking ‘dumb’ questions.

Fear is the opposite of freedom.

Next time your stomach churns a little, your heart races and fear starts to set in. Stop and check that fear … is it something you should really be afraid of?

Or is it a call to step out.

To be bold.

Is it a call to freedom?

My 1000 day habit of taking photos.

1000th Photo of the day
Today, I have taken my 1000th photo of the day in a row. It all started on 25th April 2013, having successfully completing one 365 project in 2009/10 and failing one in 2012, I decided I would give another year of photo of the day a go.

1000 days later, I’m still at it.

Some days choosing a photo means selecting from 100s of photos. Often it meant selecting from one. A couple of days I didn’t miss by sheer luck. I have one photo of the carpet at work that I accidentally took, and another is of Damian’s business card, which I took when I was demonstrating an app. On more than one occasion I got out of bed to take a photo of an inanimate object at home.

I haven’t personally taken every photo, but I was present at every one. Every photo hasn’t been taken on my camera. And on one occasion I had to get emailed a photo of a whiteboard image I asked someone to take in a meeting (riveting).

But I have 1000 photos.

And more importantly because it is my daily habit, I get to set the rules. And my rules from the outset were very loose. Any camera, any photographer so long as I was present, I wasn’t going to post to Facebook or social media each day, so no obligation to anyone else. I made it as easy as possible and as a result, it was tenfold easier than the first time round.

I would encourage everyone to take a photo a day for a year.

I love being able to look back on 1000 days and have an image for each one. Apart from these images I barely remember what I did 2 weeks ago.

I also love the habit.

Start anytime. Set a goal of 50 days. Tell no one. Just enjoy it.

So now that I have hit 1000 days, the big question I’ve been asked is “will I stop?

That’s actually a harder question than it seems…

Right now I’m on holiday, taking a photo a day is easy.

3 x 365 is just around the corner.

So is 4 x 365.

And 5.

I will stop eventually. But I now have an automatic habit of 1000 days. To stop, will require breaking the habit, and habit making or breaking takes a lot of energy and hard work.

‘Kinstugi’ the art of turning Brokenness into Beauty.

Kinstugi Brokenness‘Kinstugi’ is the Japanese word that describes the art of repairing broken ceramics with gold.

This art form is wonderful in the way it takes something that is broken, destined to be rubbish.

And restores it.

With gold !

Once repaired, it is considered more beautiful for having been broken.

Often brokenness from our past are considered ugly scars, that we need to hide, and never speak of again.

Wouldn’t it be cool if we took the art of Kinstugi and applied the thinking to our lives.

What if we understood that the times we feel smashed and broken are gold in the making?

What if our past brokenness was seen as gold lines that speak boldly of our journey and healing?

What if that was Jesus intention, to take our brokenness and use it to make us more beautiful?

Re-solving the New Years Resolution problem.

Happy New Year!

By now a few of you are 5 days into your New Years Resolution. While others, like me, are yet to set some as we come back from our summer holidays.

Wherever you are on your resolution cycle here’s a thought …

resolve - new years resolutionResolution comes from Resolve.

Resolve means to have a determination to take a course of action. Like going to the gym, or learning french, or blogging.

Resolve comes from two words ‘re-‘, meaning to do again and again. And ‘solve‘, meaning to find a solution to a problem.

And so a big part of having resolve is to know what problem you are trying to solve. The goal of going to the gym is generally not going to the gym. Rather its Losing weight, getting fit or having rock hard abs. Knowing what you are trying to solve is the key to the story.

Once you have the story, and the power for self-discipline is in the story. Use the story to ‘re-‘mind yourself almost daily so that you have the ‘re-‘solve, the determination to actually head to the gym.

Or learn.

Or blog.

Self discipline is hard. I believe for me personally it becomes almost impossible without ‘re-‘solve, without the story.

So when you start to struggle to meet your goal, and you will, don’t forget to remind yourself of the story of who you are trying to become, and remember …

You can and will achieve it!

Take care of your brain

Take care of your brain“Yes I’ve put that in my ‘stuff up’ folder” was the reply as we discussed a small error that one of my team had just made. Now the error the person had made was on a task they had never done before, (ever!) and hadn’t been trained for, but they labelled it a stuff up.

Immediately I replied you shouldn’t be calling it a ‘stuff up folder’. A ‘learning’s folder’ maybe or a ‘helpful notes’ folder, but when you use the term ‘stuff up’ you tell your brain that you failed.

We do this often as human beings. Use destructive language on ourselves. By tagging it as a ‘stuff up’ we run the risk of telling ourselves a story of failure and if that goes too far, we become scared of risk and trying new things.

There are of course many forms of ‘stuff ups’

I always do that wrong…

I’m useless at …

I could never …

Sometimes they are really valid.

But often they are phrases we need to single out for what really they are, and intentionally replace with positive statements. And by doing so, we take better care of our brain, and free ourselves up to learn more.

How to use an email to make someone’s day!

Nicest person on the face of the planet“You’re the nicest person on the face of the planet! Thank you for being so gracious” was the response to me from one of the staff at a partner organisation, that does amazing work in bringing clean water to millions of people. All I had done was make their life a little bit easier by not pursuing a minor issue, and I received that response.

Of course I’m not “the nicest person on the face of the planet,” and I’m not sure any individual can be.

But for a brief moment, when I read the email…

I felt like I was!

Her comment reminded me, that in every email interaction, we have the opportunity to make audacious statements that makes the recipient feel incredibly special.

Even if it’s just for a moment.

 

 

The downside of ‘Practice makes you perfect’

practice makes you not badI’m sure you have heard the phrase “practice makes perfect” many times in your life. You may have even used it on your children or other people you know.

Indeed if you want to get as near as possible to perfect in something, practice is the key. Usually at least 10,000 hours of it.

But before practice makes perfect is … practice makes you great.

Before that … practice makes you very good.

Before that … practice makes you good.

Before that … practice makes you not bad.

Not bad, it turns out, is significantly better than almost everyone else. And ‘not bad’ takes a whole lot less practice than what is needed to be perfect. More importantly ‘not bad’ can often be enough to get you through.

Sometimes our desire to be perfect is the very thing that stops us starting in the first place.

‘Practice makes you not bad’ still takes practice and a decision to start. It’s just the goal is different and the pressure is off.

It may be guitar. Or a language. Or sport. Or maths. Or computers. Or even work. Being not bad takes far less than we expect.

The challenge for me is to stop trying to be a perfectionist all the time, and to be happy with not bad. Because when I’m happy with not bad, it actually makes practice easier and more enjoyable.

Maybe that’s the case with you as well.

And for your kids.

Its the question that could change your life…

Judge a man by his questionsFor those who know me, you will know one of my favourite (and at times most frustrating) questions is “How do you mean?”

It’s a favourite question because it softer than “What do you mean?” and because it is a great way to find out exactly what the person is saying or thinking or trying to explain. It causes me to pause and be sure that I know, rather than assume I know, what the person is saying.

And as great as this question is, the most important thing is that it is a question.

There is so much power in questions. So much ability to draw in and hear what people are really saying. So much power to fully understand them.

A recent study of people involved in negotiation showed that the average person spends 11% of their time asking questions, but for the most successful negotiators this number more than doubles to almost 25% of their time. Just asking questions.

Effectively the best negotiators are people that … ask.

Listen.

Ask.

Hear more.

Ask again.

Until they fully understand the other persons point of view. And because of that they win people’s hearts, and reach agreement, and get positive movement.

All through the power of questions.

The weird thing about asking questions is that it makes me appear way smarter than I am. Often the mere act of asking questions causes people to think in ways they haven’t before. And they come away from our conversation thinking I helped them with wisdom, when all I really did, was ask questions.

So the next time you’re trying to help someone, or understand a problem. Try asking 5 questions (way harder than it sounds) before even trying to give your opinion.

When you do this, you too will discover the power of questions.

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