Lead a vivid life that does good

Tag: Family

Waiting for change

waiting for people to change can be frustrating - SQWaiting for somebody to change can be frustrating.

As a leader, friend or parent, you’ve probably shared greats ideas.

Encouraged them.

Coached.

Yet they’re still not changing, or if they are it’s far too slowly.

In our mind we wonder ‘why can’t they just do it!

When it comes to seeing change in others, we are often incredibly impatient.

But when it comes to us, and our long road of changing life long habits.

That’s different.

We want people to be patient with us.

Thanks to all those people who are patient with me as I slowly tweak my life for the better.

And sorry to those of you whom I expect to change immediately. I’ll try and be more patient, and I love that you aren’t giving up.

How much do I get paid?

Pay Kids for inventionsAround our house we have duties that everyone has to do each week on rotation as a part of being in the family. Then there are the tasks like mowing the lawns which I can do for free, or the kids can do for money.

Of course the first question is “how much do I get paid?”

We are taught from an early age to value our time when we work. We are rewarded for the hours we put in, not the outcomes.

Which is weird, because as adults we know true success is not determined by how much we earn.

Success is defined by what we do.

What we learn.

What we create.

Invent.

Start.

Who we help.

Connect.

Love.

And how we shape the lives of people around us.

I’m not sure I want my kids to grow up with a ‘wage’ mentality. I would rather they have a ‘change’ mentality.

Maybe those of us with kids should start paying them for the hours they aren’t on devices or watching TV.

We could pay them to read, or exercise, or learn new stuff they don’t teach at school.

We could start offering to pay our kids when they are writing, or creating, or making art.

Better yet, we could pay our kids for each invention they make, regardless of how successful. Or fund any social project, no matter how short-lived.

I’m sure there will be a downside to all of this, but it must be better than just paying them to mow the lawns

Why memories exist in the now.

Memories are only made in the now

Photo of actual sunset from the bridge.

And so it came to be that I was standing with my daughter on the walk bridge, in the now, watching as the sun slowly inched below the horizon. As twilight took hold a memory was locked away. A memory of being present, being here, being in the now.

And I could have missed it.

A few minutes earlier I had been driving home, noticing the sun as New Zealand rotated away from its radiant light. I decided to call my daughter and told her to meet me outside in a few minutes, and just minutes after that we watch the sun set for another day.

It was exciting.

Beautiful.

Memorable. (Memories are only made in the now!)

Fun.

And all it took was a simple choice, to disconnect and enjoy the moment. To be in the now.

My mind is always active. It’s so active that often I miss what is happening around me.

I miss the smell of flowers as I enter the room.

I miss the popping sounds as I walk along an estuary.

I miss the opportunity to engage with the person in front of me because I’m thinking of what’s coming up.

I miss the now.

Do you?

Why disconnected people are more valuable to a business

IAnnual Leave‘m just back from 3 weeks uninterrupted leave, and I often joke before going on leave that I only want to be contacted if the building is burning down (that way I can get my photo of the day).

Even as CEO when I am on Annual Leave, I am on leave. It’s my time, or family time, and as much as I love my work, it’s not Agoge’s time or that of our clients. In fact there are only two things I want to know about, major safety incidents or significant illnesses, and of course the building burning down.

I believe that disconnected, uninterrupted leave is one of the most important things we can do to increase our value to our organisations. Without the disconnect of leave, passion wains, creativity dries up and resentment can kick in.

Whereas the break always helps you reconnect with the people you love. It gives you time to chill. To unwind. To clear your head. For those in physical work where the demands are different to my job. It gives your body a chance to relax, recoup and recharge.

More than anything else you become aware that work is not meant to be all-consuming.

None of this is new or a surprise. So my challenge is this…

When you take leave – do you fully disconnect?

And.

When others are away – do you relentlessly protect their leave?

I hope the answer to both is YES.

Taking uninterrupted leave takes a lot more discipline than most people afford it.

For me personally I need to discipline myself to DND my phone. To disconnect my email on my phone and laptop. And to not take an interest in work stuff.

Similarly my team needs to know, it’s unacceptable to call. And they need to be empowered to make decisions.

In the end, the discipline for everyone is worth it.

Does fear steal freedom?

Fear takes freedomLast week I was out running with Jay tagging along on his bike. As I ran, a seagull became increasingly disturbed with my presence and finally started dive bombing me. We sought shelter under some trees and, once the bird was over it, we carried on.

It is fair to say Jay was freaked out by the bird. He was afraid or fearful.

Like all fear if it was left unchecked, it would steal his freedom. If he allowed himself to become afraid of all seagulls or even all birds then he could avoid beaches or places where there are a lot of birds. When that happens freedom is lost.

Ultimately that’s what Terrorism does. Makes us fear and give away freedom by avoiding travel or amazing experiences.

So does a fear of failure.

Or a fear of meeting new people.

Or even a fear of asking ‘dumb’ questions.

Fear is the opposite of freedom.

Next time your stomach churns a little, your heart races and fear starts to set in. Stop and check that fear … is it something you should really be afraid of?

Or is it a call to step out.

To be bold.

Is it a call to freedom?

Be more trusted, by first trusting.

I remember sitting with a couple of young entrepreneurs a Trustfew years ago as they asked my opinion on their business idea. The weird thing about the conversation is they tried to tell me without actually disclosing what their idea was. They were concerned that I might steal their idea. After playing that dance I got pretty candid with them and told them I had enough business ideas of my own that I will never do, so I don’t really need their ideas.

Furthermore, I told them to go talk to some other people, who might just be interested in stealing their idea. People with deep pockets who could out execute them, but may just make great partners.

Over the years I have met more than my fair share of people who have the wrong default position when it comes to trust. They choose, sometimes because of past hurt, to never trust people until the person has earned their complete trust.

This is so sad and not for the reason that they may expect.

You see, trust works both ways. If you trust me … I trust you … then you trust me more.

If I start trusting you and sense that you don’t trust me, I assume you are untrustworthy. That you lack integrity.

Merely by not trusting others, you may be seen by everyone around you, as a person not to be trusted.

I know that trust is easier said than done…

You will get hurt.

You will have your trust abused.

At times it will cost you money.

And yet … we should trust anyway.

I don’t get time to …

I don’t get time to … think

I don’t get time to … exerciseclock

I don’t get time to … read

I don’t get time to … do good

I don’t get time to … play with the kids

I don’t get time to … relax

I don’t get time to … [fill in the blank]

You are right of course.

You only get time to do the things you choose to do. You can’t make time, but we can lose it doing the wrong things.

Like me you probably need to stop doing some things, to make time for the things that are really important.

Hero’s wanted … YOU can apply here.

Only You can be the HERO in your lifeNo-one can replace YOU in your life.

No-one else can be their father or mother.

No-one else can love your spouse or partner the way you can.

No-one else has had the struggles and successes you’ve had. That makes you the perfect person to help.

No-one else can come to the rescue quite like you.

Your whole life has led up to this moment…

Only YOU can be the HERO in YOUR story.

Will you choose to be their HERO as well?