Lead a vivid life that does good

Category: Leadership (Page 1 of 10)

The Keystone Word: Shaping Your Year Ahead

Have you ever tried to encapsulate an entire year into just one word?

It sounds daunting, right?

For years, I’ve been summing up my years with a single, defining word. But the real game-changer was when a friend suggested selecting a word for the year ahead, and I’ve found it incredibly empowering.

I’ve found it incredibly helpful as the year progresses to keep me focused on what is really important to the holistic me. The word is less about work goals and more about how I want  grow and lead and be.

As we dive into the new year, what’s one word you’d want to define it?

Imagine a word that truly defines your dreams for the year. Like a beacon for your year, this word could capture your aspirations, objectives, and those areas ripe for growth.

For me, “Ascend” is the word of the year. The goal is to sharpen my focus as I lead my team toward our goals, improves some of my habits, and inspires my personal quests, including climbing actual mountains.

So, what’s your word?

“It’s not personal, it’s just business” is BS.

Its Not Personal Its Just Business is BSThe words “It’s not personal, it’s just business” are all too common. I’ve had them used to me, my staff and friends. And I’ve often read them in the media.

The reality is, of course, that all business is personal.

Every interaction we have with another human being is personal, founded on human to human relationships. When we start to think that “it’s just business” takes priority over personal, as a human and leader we have failed.

Of course we can and must make business decisions. But as soon as we talk to the people who are impacted by the decision, we need to remember, it becomes very personal to them.

If you find yourself about to utter the words “It’s not personal. It’s just business”, then please pause for a moment…

Look the other person in the eye, and realize it’s probably personal for them!

Then … adjust accordingly.

Four Gaps to Avoid to Increase Trust

An4 Gaps to avoid to increase trustyone who has ridden the London Tubes will be all familiar with this phrase ,”Please mind the gap between the train and the platform.” The announcement is a constant reminder to beware of gaps, so that you don’t get tripped up or worse.

Gaps can be dangerous! And it’s a pretty safe bet that one of these four gaps are tripping you up.

Gap # 1 | Communication Gap
“But I told you that” is the thought that pops to our mind, “why didn’t they listen?”. We might of said it, or sent an email and made it abundantly clear. But just because we said it does not mean communication has happened. And if they didn’t understand us, as the communicator it’s our fault, not theirs!

At Agoge and coHired we value Compelling Communication. That means that our communication should compel people to take action. Compelling communication is hard, because it takes pre-thought, clarity and crafting. But without it communication is often lost.

Lastly, a big issue with the communication gap, is that any gap will be filled. Either by the other persons thoughts or other peoples conversations.

Gap # 2 | Statement / Fact Gap
We’ve all heard it before, someone makes a big strong statement that is simply not factual. But they say it so strongly that no-one wants to refute it. Avoid doing this ourselves by watching for the word ‘always’ and ask questions before making a statement.

Always: Watch for this word “always”. ‘He always…’, ‘I always’, ‘it has always been’. Always can lead to big gaps between statements and facts. And when you make strong statement it always often shuts people down, and stops the real detail and facts coming out.

Questions: Steven Covey said “Seek first to understand before being understood”, and there is so much power in that phrase. The best way to avoid being ‘that person’ is to ask a bunch of questions to really establish the facts before making the big statement.

Gap # 3 | Say Do Gap
Nothing affects our credibility more than saying we will do something, and then not doing it. For some people this gap is more like a chasm, and its generally avoided by…

Yes means Yes: “Let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No”. We get to choose to say ‘yes’, which means we also get to choose to say ‘no’. The irony for many people is when they are most busy they say yes because its easy to avoid the mental load of saying no. Sometimes it’s a great idea to pause the yes. ‘I don’t have the space right now, can you check back in a few days’.

Clarity: Once we say yes, be really clear with the person what we are saying yes to. What are e committing to and most importantly by when? If they expect it today, and we are thinking a week. Huge gap.

Capture it: I’m constantly blown away by how many people ‘trust’ their memories. If we say we are going to do something and we don’t write it down in a place we can trust (GTD). We are setting ourselves up to fail.

Ask for help: Often we have the best intentions and then we hit a roadblock and our execution stalls. Don’t let a say do gap arise because we aren’t prepared to ask for help. Often the best place to ask for help, is by starting person we agreed the action. It shows them we are working on it, but stuck.

Unsay it: Once we’ve said it does not mean it’s the final word on the matter. ‘Hey I know I said I could do this. But I simply don’t have the space for it, but here’s someone else who may be able to help.’

Gap #4 | Knowledge Gap
The knowledge gap can trip us up in 2 ways;

Your knowledge gap: We all hate a ‘know it all’, which is why it’s crazy that we so often think we need to have the answer. ‘A little knowledge is a dangerous thing’, and we don’t have to know everything so stop pretending like we do. “I don’t know”, “I can’t recall’, “and I can go find out” responses are great to help make sure we get the knowledge we actually need.

Their knowledge gap: Sometimes we are the expert and the gap is theirs. Just because you know the answer does not mean you need to fill the gap. People with all the knowledge often end up being in the middle of the knowledge gap, which is helpful in the short term, but a disaster in the long term. If someone is asking for your knowledge, sometimes the best thing to do is to get them to fill the gap for themselves.

Why are these gaps so dangerous?

One word.

Trust.

When we allow the above gaps to form, people notice. And if the gap gets too big, you begin to get a bad reputation. When that happens their trust in you takes a massive hit, so maybe it’s time to go fill some gaps.

Do you trust me?

Trust what I say do value“Do you trust me?” I was asked with absolute sincerity.

It’s a huge question because trust binds all relationships together.

“Do you trust me?” is not a simple question, and in the years since I’ve come to realise that trust is made up of three things:

  • Trust what I say
  • Trust what I do
  • Trust what I value

 

Trust what I say:
This is all about truthfulness, and the ability to believe that this person is telling you the truth and that you can rely on their word.

When the person asked if I trusted them, my answer was 100% yes, because time and time again they had proved themselves truthful. But what they were really asking was do you trust what I do?

Trust what I do:
This is about trusting the persons decisions and actions. A person can be 100% truthful, but we are not sure about some of the decisions they make and we struggle to trust them in those areas.

Trusting what people do takes time and is complicated. We can trust a person will make the right decisions in most areas, and then question the decisions when they are given new responsibility, as we watch to see if they adapt to the new challenges.

Trust what I value:
When we value different things, and they are not discussed, then it can cause us to feel like we don’t trust each other, despite the fact we trust what they say and do. The challenge with trusting what we each value, is that we don’t generally do the hard work to understand each other’s values.

With one of my new direct reports, we worked out my value of ‘freedom’ was at odds with his value of ‘structure’. Neither of these values is wrong, but if we hadn’t noticed it and named it, then as we work together we could have begun to wonder if we could trust each other.

Nothing will kill connection, dampen joy or increase stress in any relationship more than where I fail to trust or unintentionally make people feel untrusted.

When we find that we are struggling to trust a person, dive in and ask…

Do I trust what they say?
Do I trust what they do?
Do I trust what they value?

Then go and have a sincere truthful conversation with them.

Because relationships are built on trust, and they are worth the effort.

Compassion is the only acceptable response

Compassion was the only acceptable response.Disappointed? Yes.    Appalled? Often.   Outright angry? Sadly.

This describes some of my emotions as I’ve read various opinions in the weeks following the Christchurch mosque shootings. Christians up in arms about the call to prayer; a Hamilton City Councillor suggesting we “move on”; criticism of wearing the hijab; Katie Hopkins ranting from the other side of the world; and off course Destiny church protesting across the road from the mosque.

Before you think I’m about to question your beliefs or opinions I’m not … so relax.

So, why was I disappointed, appalled and angry?

Because these comments aren’t what compassion looks like in action. Or what love does.

Compassion and love are so much more than pity or sympathy or even empathy.

  • Pity:   I can see you are suffering.
  • Sympathy:   I care about your suffering.
  • Empathy:   Me Too – I feel your suffering and grieve with you.
  • Compassion:   I’m here with you, beside you, ready to help. “You are us.”

So what does aroha or love in action look like?

Hint: Having all of the above!

Yesterday President Trump said he had the “deepest sympathies” for the most recent synagogue shooting in the US. Compare that to how Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern responded. She acted with kindness and compassion and love and aroha. She showed love to the people directly affected and demonstrated compassionate leadership to the rest of us. If I was a victim connected with that horrible day I’d have wanted more than pity or sympathy or empathy. I’d have wanted the Prime Minister to show compassion and love.

Which is why I’ve been disappointed, appalled and angry.

Because compassion should always be our response. And if we can’t or aren’t prepared to really show compassion, probably best we shut up, keep our opinions to ourselves and stop criticising the people who are.

Action speaks loudly!

 

NB: At best I had empathy. Which is a challenge to me in and of itself.

Hindsight gifts insights, that improves foresight.

Hindsight gifts insights, that improves foresight.Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we are already one month into 2019.

So how are those goals, ambitions, dreams and resolutions going?

If you are struggling, maybe it’s because you aren’t using hindsight well.

 

Hindsight offers 20:20 vision

It is fair to say that last year did not all go as planned for me.

So at the end of the year I sat and reflected on each month, making as many notes as possible about what happened. I was reminded of some big wins, all the learning, and the amazing people I met. And of course I got to see what didn’t go that well.

I then looked for insights (ah-ha moments) and asked questions like “What did I do that made the biggest difference?” and “What do I need to tweak to help me achieve my goals?”

One thing I noticed was that changes late in the year meant I had fallen into a pattern of managing individuals rather than leading teams (which is not great for a CEO). Using hindsight helped me notice it and make changes to protect this year.

Hindsight if we take the time, actually helps us see and live into the future better.

Hindsight gifts insights, that improves foresight.

We often think about hindsight as … “If I knew then, what I know today, I would’ve done things differently.

Which is different from 20:20 hindsight which is …“What will I do differently today, from what I learnt from then?”

Our attention defines our beliefs

“Cask wine still exists!” I was surprised to say the least. I had been eating lunch with friends and they politely informed me that cask wine was still a thing. Not convinced, because I’ve never seen it at the supermarket, I decided to check it out the next time I went shopping and I was expecting it to be tucked away in some obscure place.

Well it turns out… There is an entire shelf for cask wine, who knew!

It shouldn’t have surprised me, because they are over 20,000 different items in many supermarkets, far more than our brains can keep track of. So as we walk around looking for the items on our shopping list, our brains shut out all the clutter so that we are not overwhelmed and can focus on what we need.

Our attention is focused only on what we want to see.

Which is

a

BIG

problem!

In our everyday lives, we are constantly ignoring most things that are counter to our world view.

To make matters worse, we subconsciously choose to only read or learn or engage with books and articles and videos that support our existing views.

All that leads us to make judgements and build beliefs that are not based on a full picture.

They are based on what we choose to see!

To finish my wine story. I’m a low-level wine snob and generally buy international wine, which is right next to the cask wine (See photo). Cask Wine

It was literally right in front of my eyes. Every … time … I went to buy wine.

Where we focus our attention … is where we form our view of reality.

Even if it’s not real.

Over and over again I have beliefs that are not based on fact. They are based entirely on where I historically focused my attention.

By not changing where I focus my attention, I become close minded.

Which doesn’t make me a great leader.

And makes me a lesser human.

 

Next week, big promise, I’ll share how ‘learning at the edges’ can help with our attention.

Waiting for change

waiting for people to change can be frustrating - SQWaiting for somebody to change can be frustrating.

As a leader, friend or parent, you’ve probably shared greats ideas.

Encouraged them.

Coached.

Yet they’re still not changing, or if they are it’s far too slowly.

In our mind we wonder ‘why can’t they just do it!

When it comes to seeing change in others, we are often incredibly impatient.

But when it comes to us, and our long road of changing life long habits.

That’s different.

We want people to be patient with us.

Thanks to all those people who are patient with me as I slowly tweak my life for the better.

And sorry to those of you whom I expect to change immediately. I’ll try and be more patient, and I love that you aren’t giving up.

It’s not a priority if there are more than ONE

It’s not a priority if there are more than 1It was only in the 1900’s that it became possible to use the word ‘priorities’.

For the preceding 500 years it was simply ‘priority’.

It was singular.

It meant the very first thing.

Something that must happen immediately prior.

Do you ever have those days where you have so much to do, and you end up working on so many things that you never really get any of them done?

Try setting a #1 priority for each day.

Make it one thing you can hit out of the park. Something that will move your dream forward. Something that will give you a moment of pride when you complete it.

Then do that FIRST.

 

 

[NB it takes effort to think about your priority every day, and more discipline to do it, but the pay back is incredible. Do give it a try]

Could you fail 39 times?

Would you give up on the 39th AttemptI learnt recently that WD-40 stands for “Water Displacement 40”. The 40 means it was his 40th attempt at developing the product.

The  inventor Norm Larsen had tried 39 times to find a way to displace water to stop rusting in the aerospace industry.

When he finally succeeded on his 40th attempt he created a product that has far more uses that just the problem he was seeking to solve.

WD-40 would not exist if he & his team of three had given up on their 31st attempt.

I love that each time I use this product, the name itself, will be a reminder that sometimes failure upon failure is needed before success can occur.

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