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Tag: Compassion

Compassion is the only acceptable response

29 April 2019 /

Compassion was the only acceptable response.Disappointed? Yes.    Appalled? Often.   Outright angry? Sadly.

This describes some of my emotions as I’ve read various opinions in the weeks following the Christchurch mosque shootings. Christians up in arms about the call to prayer; a Hamilton City Councillor suggesting we “move on”; criticism of wearing the hijab; Katie Hopkins ranting from the other side of the world; and off course Destiny church protesting across the road from the mosque.

Before you think I’m about to question your beliefs or opinions I’m not … so relax.

So, why was I disappointed, appalled and angry?

Because these comments aren’t what compassion looks like in action. Or what love does.

Compassion and love are so much more than pity or sympathy or even empathy.

  • Pity:   I can see you are suffering.
  • Sympathy:   I care about your suffering.
  • Empathy:   Me Too – I feel your suffering and grieve with you.
  • Compassion:   I’m here with you, beside you, ready to help. “You are us.”

So what does aroha or love in action look like?

Hint: Having all of the above!

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Yesterday President Trump said he had the “deepest sympathies” for the most recent synagogue shooting in the US. Compare that to how Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern responded. She acted with kindness and compassion and love and aroha. She showed love to the people directly affected and demonstrated compassionate leadership to the rest of us. If I was a victim connected with that horrible day I’d have wanted more than pity or sympathy or empathy. I’d have wanted the Prime Minister to show compassion and love.

Which is why I’ve been disappointed, appalled and angry.

Because compassion should always be our response. And if we can’t or aren’t prepared to really show compassion, probably best we shut up, keep our opinions to ourselves and stop criticising the people who are.

Action speaks loudly!

 

NB: At best I had empathy. Which is a challenge to me in and of itself.

Don’t let big numbers stop you making a difference.

14 March 2016 /

663 million people with no clean water.As this post goes live, my friend at work has her 1 billionth second on this planet. HAPPY 1,000,000,000 seconds.

As humans were generally not that good at understanding numbers. A Million or a Billion, not that much different right? Well…

  • A thousand seconds, is 16 minutes away. Make sense, feels about right.
  • A million seconds, which is 1000 x 1000, is 11.5 days away. Less than a fortnight.
  • A billion seconds, which is 1000 x 1000 x 1000, is just on 32 years away. I think I just gave away my friends age.

There is a massive difference between 1 million and a billion.

Count the population of NZ at 1 per second … 52 days. Count the population of the world at 1 per second … 228 years!

I love the way that counting seconds gives us a better perspective on large numbers.

Numbers like…

  • Only about half the world’s population have water on tap, which means at their compound. That means 3.7 BILLION people don’t. Imagine counting that high (114 years.)
  • Worse yet, 663 million people have no access, zero, to clean water.
  • And as for sanitation. 2.4 Billion people have no access to toilets.

It’s big numbers like these, that drove Jim & I to set up the Good Trust. Not because we alone can get water to 663,000,000 people, but because we know we can make a difference to a few.

It turns out its easier than you’d expect, for you, 1 person, to make a difference for many many people.

The key.

Don’t let the big numbers scare you.

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Over the last few years Good Trust has provided clean water to over 6,000 people, and we are super excited to be visiting some of our projects in Cambodia in April. Thanks to our supporters! We have the ideas, you’ve made things happen. We look forward to sharing stories.

If you would like to support the Good Trust, we’d love it if you made a donation. It would be a great use of a few seconds.

Finally, back to my friend, who is now many seconds past 1,000,000,000. Congratulations! I know that your next Billion seconds will be your best yet!

Pain you are such a pain

9 December 2014 /

Braces-Pain-300x238I was recently chatting with a mum who had just had braces put on her teeth. She was describing how painful it was. As she talked I realised how much I had discounted the pain that my kids experienced when they had braces.

Another friend of my has been experiencing crippling pain that has her bed ridden and wished like anything it would go away. I had no idea and my heart aches for her.

Then there is the guy I know who is carrying emotional pain from years ago. My heart aches as I hear his story and I hope he can navigate the hurt and find grace.

I have noticed recently how pain takes so many different shapes. Pain truly is painful.

I’m reminded how often I discount other people’s pain, predominately because I’ve not experienced it. I act like the pain for them can’t be as bad as they say, when in truth it is worse, crippling and more emotional than I would ever expect.

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Pain really is a pain, and all of us experience pain so differently.  This leads me to the twofold purpose of this post:

Firstly, when someone tells us they are in pain, we need to be slower to discount their pain and show way more empathy. We after all are not the ones in pain.

And finally, we should appreciate how at this moment, right now, we are blessed to be relatively pain free.

What do you believe about Global Warming?

30 July 2014 /

Global Warming NZ“Do you believe in Global Warming?” my friend asked sincerely. After thinking for a moment I told him that clearly I didn’t. I do after all drive a Holden Commodore and in reality I do little to reduce my ‘footprint’ on this planet.

Now here is the interesting thing. I know that our climate is changing. I know that as humans we are using too many of our limited resources. I know that if we continue the same way, we will destroy the planet for future generations.

You notice that I use the word ‘know’, and not the word ‘believe’. That’s because ‘believe’ should be followed by action.

Without action, we demonstrate that we do not have deep held conviction and belief. We merely have an opinion. And an opinion without action is a dangerous thing indeed.

Want to know what somebody really believes?

Listen to their words,

AND,

look at their actions!

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Clearly this is not just a post about Global Warming. It could equally be a post about poverty. Or Aids. Or your Neighbours. Or Love. Whatever it is, if you believe you should do some good, then you should do something about it.

What do you believe?

Take action.

2 tips for being more generous and compassionate.

13 October 2012 /

On a wet humid evening we sat outside on the bustling street corner, in the heart of the action, waiting to enjoy our meal. The restaurant we chose, our clothes and the colour of our skin screamed to the locals that we were wealthy foreigners to Phnom Penh, and almost immediately we were confronted with invitations to purchase or give. Girls the age of my daughters selling bags, young men selling books and a Mother with a young child simply begging. At first we engaged with them, then quickly learnt it was easier to ignore them and their need.

Later as we meandered along the streets we saw a young child (12 – 18 months) standing on the footpath. I glanced down to see her mother bent over a rubbish bag scavenging for food. As I walked past I realised it was the women who had begged from us at dinner. The woman and child I had ignored. I returned and gave her some money, she thanked me, and went back to scavenging in the rubbish.

I learnt some lessons that evening, learnings that have implications beyond the poverty encountered in Cambodia.

We must be prepared to give:
When I hit Cambodia I hadn’t formed this thinking, which meant each situation I encountered required me to make yes/no decisions. Soon the answer just becomes NO.

You can’t fix everything you see, so being prepared means having the forethought to know what you believe in giving to, and how much. And to whom.

This applies equally back home. Knowing what we will give to, helps when people knock on the door or telemarketers call. Importantly knowing what you believe in giving to, means you will give. If you’re not prepared the answer quickly becomes NO.

We must be ready to give:
If being prepared is a state of mind, then being ready is practical. For us it meant having small amounts of money available for donations. Whether running in the morning or on a Tuk Tuk, we had money to give without hesitation to make a small difference.

At home, I barely ever carry money, and therefore it is significantly harder for me to give without hesitation to make a small immediate difference.

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I know a lot of people like me have a heart to give, to be compassionate and yet miss opportunities. So may you prepare your hearts to know when and how you will give. And then may you be ready to give without hesitation.

May you encounter the joy of making a difference.

Lesson 1 from Cambodia visit 2012: Being prepared to give.

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