Lead a vivid life that does good

Category: lead vividly (Page 1 of 18)

The Keystone Word: Shaping Your Year Ahead

Have you ever tried to encapsulate an entire year into just one word?

It sounds daunting, right?

For years, I’ve been summing up my years with a single, defining word. But the real game-changer was when a friend suggested selecting a word for the year ahead, and I’ve found it incredibly empowering.

I’ve found it incredibly helpful as the year progresses to keep me focused on what is really important to the holistic me. The word is less about work goals and more about how I want  grow and lead and be.

As we dive into the new year, what’s one word you’d want to define it?

Imagine a word that truly defines your dreams for the year. Like a beacon for your year, this word could capture your aspirations, objectives, and those areas ripe for growth.

For me, “Ascend” is the word of the year. The goal is to sharpen my focus as I lead my team toward our goals, improves some of my habits, and inspires my personal quests, including climbing actual mountains.

So, what’s your word?

“It’s not personal, it’s just business” is BS.

Its Not Personal Its Just Business is BSThe words “It’s not personal, it’s just business” are all too common. I’ve had them used to me, my staff and friends. And I’ve often read them in the media.

The reality is, of course, that all business is personal.

Every interaction we have with another human being is personal, founded on human to human relationships. When we start to think that “it’s just business” takes priority over personal, as a human and leader we have failed.

Of course we can and must make business decisions. But as soon as we talk to the people who are impacted by the decision, we need to remember, it becomes very personal to them.

If you find yourself about to utter the words “It’s not personal. It’s just business”, then please pause for a moment…

Look the other person in the eye, and realize it’s probably personal for them!

Then … adjust accordingly.

Four Gaps to Avoid to Increase Trust

An4 Gaps to avoid to increase trustyone who has ridden the London Tubes will be all familiar with this phrase ,”Please mind the gap between the train and the platform.” The announcement is a constant reminder to beware of gaps, so that you don’t get tripped up or worse.

Gaps can be dangerous! And it’s a pretty safe bet that one of these four gaps are tripping you up.

Gap # 1 | Communication Gap
“But I told you that” is the thought that pops to our mind, “why didn’t they listen?”. We might of said it, or sent an email and made it abundantly clear. But just because we said it does not mean communication has happened. And if they didn’t understand us, as the communicator it’s our fault, not theirs!

At Agoge and coHired we value Compelling Communication. That means that our communication should compel people to take action. Compelling communication is hard, because it takes pre-thought, clarity and crafting. But without it communication is often lost.

Lastly, a big issue with the communication gap, is that any gap will be filled. Either by the other persons thoughts or other peoples conversations.

Gap # 2 | Statement / Fact Gap
We’ve all heard it before, someone makes a big strong statement that is simply not factual. But they say it so strongly that no-one wants to refute it. Avoid doing this ourselves by watching for the word ‘always’ and ask questions before making a statement.

Always: Watch for this word “always”. ‘He always…’, ‘I always’, ‘it has always been’. Always can lead to big gaps between statements and facts. And when you make strong statement it always often shuts people down, and stops the real detail and facts coming out.

Questions: Steven Covey said “Seek first to understand before being understood”, and there is so much power in that phrase. The best way to avoid being ‘that person’ is to ask a bunch of questions to really establish the facts before making the big statement.

Gap # 3 | Say Do Gap
Nothing affects our credibility more than saying we will do something, and then not doing it. For some people this gap is more like a chasm, and its generally avoided by…

Yes means Yes: “Let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No”. We get to choose to say ‘yes’, which means we also get to choose to say ‘no’. The irony for many people is when they are most busy they say yes because its easy to avoid the mental load of saying no. Sometimes it’s a great idea to pause the yes. ‘I don’t have the space right now, can you check back in a few days’.

Clarity: Once we say yes, be really clear with the person what we are saying yes to. What are e committing to and most importantly by when? If they expect it today, and we are thinking a week. Huge gap.

Capture it: I’m constantly blown away by how many people ‘trust’ their memories. If we say we are going to do something and we don’t write it down in a place we can trust (GTD). We are setting ourselves up to fail.

Ask for help: Often we have the best intentions and then we hit a roadblock and our execution stalls. Don’t let a say do gap arise because we aren’t prepared to ask for help. Often the best place to ask for help, is by starting person we agreed the action. It shows them we are working on it, but stuck.

Unsay it: Once we’ve said it does not mean it’s the final word on the matter. ‘Hey I know I said I could do this. But I simply don’t have the space for it, but here’s someone else who may be able to help.’

Gap #4 | Knowledge Gap
The knowledge gap can trip us up in 2 ways;

Your knowledge gap: We all hate a ‘know it all’, which is why it’s crazy that we so often think we need to have the answer. ‘A little knowledge is a dangerous thing’, and we don’t have to know everything so stop pretending like we do. “I don’t know”, “I can’t recall’, “and I can go find out” responses are great to help make sure we get the knowledge we actually need.

Their knowledge gap: Sometimes we are the expert and the gap is theirs. Just because you know the answer does not mean you need to fill the gap. People with all the knowledge often end up being in the middle of the knowledge gap, which is helpful in the short term, but a disaster in the long term. If someone is asking for your knowledge, sometimes the best thing to do is to get them to fill the gap for themselves.

Why are these gaps so dangerous?

One word.

Trust.

When we allow the above gaps to form, people notice. And if the gap gets too big, you begin to get a bad reputation. When that happens their trust in you takes a massive hit, so maybe it’s time to go fill some gaps.

To be Human

To be human is to step up and play your partTo be Human is…

To be an adventurer.

To embrace failure.

To be authentic.

To be messed up.

To seek connection.

To stand up for injustice.

To love regardless.

To say sorry.

To be unique.

To have faith.

To be human is to step up.

And play your part.

 “Treat others, the way you would want to be treated.” Easy to talk about. Hard to do.

Treat others, the way you would want to be treatedTreat others, the way you would want to be treated!

This is a post about how The Golden Rule is easy to talk about, hard to think about, and harder to do!

You could read the post.

Or

You could put it into action, right now, for one person!

 

Easy to talk about…

At face value the Golden Rule is a great concept, although I’m not sure how it became golden or a rule.

Most world religions have a form of the rule, although its best known in the west through Jesus words, where he indicates that the essence of the bible is to live this way.

You’ll hear it talked about with kids, in schools, at churches, in communities and even in the business world.

And it’s easy to talk about, probably because we would all like people to treat us that way.

 

Hard to think about…

Pause and consider these questions:

Consider that challenge your friend is going through right now. If you were that friend, how would you want to be treated by the real you?

Put yourself in the shoes that person who is ‘unjustifiably’ grumpy with you. If you were that person, with all their feelings, beliefs and experiences. How would you want to be treated by the real you?

Ponder being a homeless person on the streets. How would you want to be treated by the real you?

Think about how it would feel to be a parent with a starving child in the third world. How would you want to be treated by the real you?

 

Harder to do…

In all honesty, my answers to those questions are often not reflected in my actions.

Which could be disheartening, because I can’t help everyone in the world.

But I can help one!

And I can do that today.

Imagine a world were even 10% of people truly completely lived the Golden Rule.

Or imagine working in an organisation where everyone, always lived the Golden Rule first and foremost. (Hint to my coHired & Agoge teams this is essence of ‘love people’)

Or imagine our own life, how radically different would it be if we chose to treat others, the way we want to be treated.

What if treating others, the way we would want to be treated,

stopped being some abstract golden rule,

and instead became our life mantra?

How to really win an argument

Win the person not the battleRecently I was chatting to a stranger who had, in my opinion, a very dated and passionate view on military conscription.

Now like you, I am very opinionated.

This means we encounter people with very different views to us. And, if we aren’t careful this can lead us to bombard them with our opinion, to persuade them, and show them where they are wrong. We want to prove our point. And in some ways be victorious in this small battle.

And in doing so…

We.

Lose.

The.

Person!

As I talked to the passionate opinionated stranger my desire was for just one thing.

To win the person, not win the battle.

So, I listened.

Asked questions.

Tried to understand their view.

And, not surprisingly, learnt something.

There are plenty of places for disagreement and this September we have some pretty big issues to vote on in the referendums.

Already the opinions are strong, and they will escalate to conversations and social media rants.

And when these opinions conflict with yours remember its more important to Win the person, not the battle.

Choosing your response

we always get a choice about how we respondLife can never be lived perfectly.

It won’t always go the way you planned.

At times it can be frustrating, annoying, disappointing and painful all at the same time.

And when our world is spinning out of control we can feel our choices are limited.

But … we always get a choice … about how we respond…

Choose…

Kindly.

Boldly.

Vividly.

Lovingly.

Magically.

Graciously.

Beautifully.

Authentically.

It’s easy to become frustrated or beat ourselves up when things aren’t going well. We can feel justified in the way we feel, vindicated even.

That is, until we remember that we always have a choice in how we respond.

When we choose to take a different position, when we step into different actions, then

life

begins

to

brighten

again!

Hindsight gifts insights, that improves foresight.

Hindsight gifts insights, that improves foresight.Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we are already one month into 2019.

So how are those goals, ambitions, dreams and resolutions going?

If you are struggling, maybe it’s because you aren’t using hindsight well.

 

Hindsight offers 20:20 vision

It is fair to say that last year did not all go as planned for me.

So at the end of the year I sat and reflected on each month, making as many notes as possible about what happened. I was reminded of some big wins, all the learning, and the amazing people I met. And of course I got to see what didn’t go that well.

I then looked for insights (ah-ha moments) and asked questions like “What did I do that made the biggest difference?” and “What do I need to tweak to help me achieve my goals?”

One thing I noticed was that changes late in the year meant I had fallen into a pattern of managing individuals rather than leading teams (which is not great for a CEO). Using hindsight helped me notice it and make changes to protect this year.

Hindsight if we take the time, actually helps us see and live into the future better.

Hindsight gifts insights, that improves foresight.

We often think about hindsight as … “If I knew then, what I know today, I would’ve done things differently.

Which is different from 20:20 hindsight which is …“What will I do differently today, from what I learnt from then?”

You have a fixed mindset and here’s how to fix it.

Growth comes from the edgesI was attending a conference recently where the keynote speaker was talking about fixed and growth mindsets. He asked everyone who had a fixed mindset to raise their hand and naturally I did.

I was the only one!

Which is crazy because we all have a fixed mindset. In fact the majority of our beliefs and attention are focused on supporting our current world view.

Don’t believe me? Consider these topics… Climate change; immunisation; diversity; feminism; evolution; the government; raising kids; your boss; or even what AI will do to your job. I guarantee you, like me, that you have a fixed mindset in most of these areas. Which is OK, because we can’t be growing in every area, at all times.

So how do we transition from fixed to growth in an area of strong belief?

Learn at the edges.

Take an area where your mindset is fixed and learn or read or consider the complete opposite edge of your current view. Or if your belief is middle of the road, read at the extreme edges of both points of view. As you approach the edges with openness, your views and beliefs will shift. Often not to the edge, but almost certainly from where it was.

Growth doesn’t come from focusing our attention narrowly.

Growth comes at the edges.

I wonder if the fact that I was the only person to raise my hand about having a fixed mindset, means that I was the only one who actually had a true growth mindset.

Because knowing where our mindset is fixed, is the foundation of true growth.

Our attention defines our beliefs

“Cask wine still exists!” I was surprised to say the least. I had been eating lunch with friends and they politely informed me that cask wine was still a thing. Not convinced, because I’ve never seen it at the supermarket, I decided to check it out the next time I went shopping and I was expecting it to be tucked away in some obscure place.

Well it turns out… There is an entire shelf for cask wine, who knew!

It shouldn’t have surprised me, because they are over 20,000 different items in many supermarkets, far more than our brains can keep track of. So as we walk around looking for the items on our shopping list, our brains shut out all the clutter so that we are not overwhelmed and can focus on what we need.

Our attention is focused only on what we want to see.

Which is

a

BIG

problem!

In our everyday lives, we are constantly ignoring most things that are counter to our world view.

To make matters worse, we subconsciously choose to only read or learn or engage with books and articles and videos that support our existing views.

All that leads us to make judgements and build beliefs that are not based on a full picture.

They are based on what we choose to see!

To finish my wine story. I’m a low-level wine snob and generally buy international wine, which is right next to the cask wine (See photo). Cask Wine

It was literally right in front of my eyes. Every … time … I went to buy wine.

Where we focus our attention … is where we form our view of reality.

Even if it’s not real.

Over and over again I have beliefs that are not based on fact. They are based entirely on where I historically focused my attention.

By not changing where I focus my attention, I become close minded.

Which doesn’t make me a great leader.

And makes me a lesser human.

 

Next week, big promise, I’ll share how ‘learning at the edges’ can help with our attention.

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