One Month to Live

Was listening to an audio CD about living like you had one month to live. I thought about how differently I would live, and thought I would give it a try, as much as possible.

Here are my brief thoughts on a daily basis.

Day 1

Death is more universal that life; everyone dies but not everyone lives – A Scahs

5 things I would change

  1. More engaged with Family
  2. Set-up work to run without me
  3. More candid and compassionate
  4. Would resolve to survive
  5. Would be more connected to God

Day 2

Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away – Anon

The thing I would regret the most if I died in 29 days is not having left a big enough legacy with my family and not having encouraged people in gifts and talents and calling to God.

Day 3

Guard well your moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never by known. – R W Emerson

I was thinking about Truth today. Thats Truth with a capital T. I really want to speak Truth into more peoples lives.

Day 4

For without Me you can do nothing – Jesus

It is starting to change the way I think. I stopped and let the kids play on the ice yesterday simply because I would do that if I was dieing in 27 days time. I looked for an opportunity to speak truth into a friends life, because I would if I had 27 days to live. I went out for dinner with my wife and just enjoyed it, ate slowly and then skipped life group. Because I would if I had 27 days to live. You get the picture.

Day 5

Went to Christchurch on Day 5. Was not as productive as I hoped, but was effective. I really need to prepare and plan better for days out of town. That way my team have a better idea of what is happening. Met 7 great people at a group interview we run. AWESOME

Day 6

A plane is safe on the ground. But thats not what its made for! (I’m going flying today!!)

Yesterday was a full day in Christchurch and was a very busy and productive day. Bounced from one planned thing to the next. A valuable lesson in planning for an out of town day. To be honest however if I only had 25 days to live, not sure I would have gone. But wisdom calls for balance between living, really living, and planning for the future.

Day 7

Instead of dreaming big and believing that God can accomplish anything through us, we go into survival mode and put our dreams on ice. – Kerry & Chris Shook

Was thinking this morning how God wants us to live passionately, purposefully and now! (Might blog on that later).  Today my holiday starts I am looking forward to dreaming a lot, loving my family more, connecting to God and doing some reading. I hope I will be really passionate about all of them!

Day 8

Thinking heaps about Trust today. How much do I trust God? If I say that I believe in him and if I really think he exists and is all powerful and made the world, then shouldn’t I trust him more? Shouldn’t I ask an all powerful God to answer bigger prayers and trust him to make me who he wants me to be, rather than who I think I want to be.

If I had 22 days to live, how much more would I trust God? Significantly more! And in everything rather than just the things I want too.

Day 9

Today was a traveling day. A day of packing and traveling and unpacking. A day of necessity. In order to have a holiday you have to do these things, but the things themselves take time. We stopped at the L&P bottle at Paeroa and arrived at Bowentown about lunch time.

All the effort is worth it. Instantly relaxing!

Day 10

I started reading a novel and am 160 pages into it on day one.

I thought today about how I would be more authentic with my kids. The Girls are 8 & 6 and I don’t spend enough time talking through life’s issues.

I was chatting to a friend the other day, who has a friend (solo mum) with 2 boys. They discuss everything. I want to be like that, over time at least, authentic. Loving. A friend and dad.

Day 11

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel. – Carl Buechner

Yesterday I played Junior Monopoly with the kids, then went for a walk in the Waihi Tunnel. Along the way I walked hand in hand with Talia and we talked about Monopoly and pocket money and saving and giving. It was cool.

Day 12

The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. – Elie Wiesel

There is nothing like sitting on a deck in the sun. A postcard picture of the ocean before you, and the gentle noise of waves crashing to shore and Tui’s in the trees. – Time to yourself with your thoughts.

Mum, Dad and Maria came over for lunch yesterday. Awesome walk down the beach, awesome lunch, awesome family time!

Day 13

Yesterday was another cool day. Spent time at the hot pools, playing tennis with my kids, walking on the beach with my family.

I went for a walk on the beach by myself. I think it is almost impossible to not walk away from a walk on a surf beach without coming away a slightly better person. The sound, the sights, the air I breath all lead me back to my creator. I love it, and never understand why I don’t do it more often.

Thought a lot about acceptance.

Day 14

Pack-up, Clean-up and come home. Then, unpack, clean up, put away. Nice to be home. I love home. I really appreciate the generosity of my neighbours. I have loved being away and haven’t had anything really to do with work. That is a first for 5+ years. V Cool.

The measure of life, after all, is not its duration, but its donation – Corrie Ten Boom.

Day 15

Yesterday was an around home day. I took the girls indoor rock climbing.

I thought this morning about how much more thankful I should be. I WANT so much more, and often forget to be thankful. I am thankful for an awesome family, business, team, country, church … etc.

Day 16

Wrote individual cards to my wife and kids yesterday, brought flowers, got heaps of family photos printed and imported video from tapes to harddrive. Had fun looking at some video footage I didn’t know existed. Some was of Jayden right after he was born! He is 3 now, so shows how often I download the video.

If I die today. The memories are at least in one place. 🙂

Day 17

There lives in each of us a hero awaiting the call to action – H. Jackson Brown Jr

When I see the stars or walk by the surf
With awe, amazement I know what I’m worth
If my God can create everything I see
Imagine what he can do with just one me!

Day 18

Yesterday felt unproductive and frustrating. Once again bounced from one small thing to another. I didn’t really grow me or anyone around me yesterday. I did energy zapping things, rather than energy building things. Things I am good at. Things that I am passionate about. This forced me to write a list again of what I do best.

Day 19

Tuesday was a day of anticipation. I have a number of things on the go I will find out about by the end of the week. Tuesday was about lining up a couple of those things. Nothing left to do but wait.

Otherwise at work I have way way way to much on my plate. Have done for 9 months, and really need to address it. It is dangerous for me. Stops me being the man I want to be. Makes me snappier and less people focused.

Day 20

How does one become a butterfly?…
You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar. – Trina Paulus

Yesterday was a great day. Great conversations with awesome people about cool things. Some clarity about my work load as well.

Day 21

Yesterday I went Flying. Real Flying. It was great!

I also thought about how agoge enabled me to be me. The person I am at home, at agoge, with friends or on my own are all the same person. I don’t think I had that at Post.

Day 22

A cool weekend with my parents, Craig & Maria, Jo, Greig & Sophie and our family at Lake Tararewa. Weather was crap, got beaten at Chess, Draughts and just about everything else. (I mean I let them win…) Awesome weekend, and I love the way our family all get on really well.

Had a break for a week, while I studied for Sunday message

Day 23

Back from a week of preparing a message about connecting with God and doing whatever it takes to remain connected. The morning service was below average, and the evening service (same message) went better.

Did some serious thinking yesterday morning and concluded that I am way to involved in process. The term delegate everything comes to mind. Food for thought and action….?

Day 24

The great use of life is to spent it on something that will outlast it – William James

Got up at 3am today because my mind was everywhere. It took me 90 mins to do my QT. I was thinking through the legacy that I want to leave for my kids and started working on some values to discuss at a family meeting.

Things like knowing God, loving each other, thinking, giving, good words and having heaps of fun.

Day 25

Consider how this applies to time management. God created me. He also created a day to contain 24 hours. So if I can’t get everything done that I need to do within that 24 period, then I’m focusing on some things God never intended for me to do. – Kerry or Chris Shook.

As I said to Jim. The implication is clear, the application is a lot harder.

Day 26

Thinking today about how I am going to impact this world. Was researching the poorest countries and found 5 of the world 50 least developed countries are in the pacific.

They are Kiribati, Samoa, Solomon Islands, Tuvalu and Vanuatu. (The links are to UN website details). Now as a total population they are insignificant on the world stage, but given three of them are places we would consider going for a holiday without even knowing how poor they are. It makes you think.

Day 27

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give – Winston Churchill

A great day thinking and planning and discussing plans for agoge. Came away with some clear programmes/projects. Still there is this burning desire in me to make sure that all my efforts and energy are not spent just on insignificant pursuits. If agoge grows significantly without "living people matter" then it means nothing!

Day 28

If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world – C S Lewis.

Thinking a researching a lot at the moment. What organisations exist in NZ that are focused on making us a more generous nation. More focused on addressing poverty in NZ, the pacific and internationally. I have ideas. Just need to start doing some stuff and talking to people I dont yet know.

Day 29

Nothing great ever happens without passion. – Kerry or Chris Shook.

Yesterday after Church Karina & Julz had a meeting so I brought my 3 kids home and 3 of their cousins. I did it because I have learned from my uncle Terry that I want to be a great uncle, and being a great uncle means I need to take an interest and spend time with my nephews and nieces.

Day 30
One month to live has been very insightful. It has challenged me to think about the legacy that I want to leave. It has reminded me that life is short. It has challenged me about my family, my work, my friends and the insignificant impact I have had on the world. I long to be more and do more.

The biggest tension is between today and the future. I have to live for both. It is hard.

That is VERY HARD!